Will I Crush My Boyfriend’s Dreams by Charging Him Rent?

Expensive Penny,

I stay with my boyfriend of 12 years. Now we have all the time rented and cut up bills. He owes me over $8,000, I helped him with truck repairs, automotive funds and bank card debt, amongst different issues. I do the entire cooking and clear up and purchase many of the groceries. 

Now we have moved round loads due to his work. I find yourself leaving good jobs that I’ve been shifting up in. I lastly determined I need to purchase a home and keep put. I’ve a superb job and am uninterested in shifting and searching for work. 

He has a small piece of land he needs to construct a house on primarily for looking but additionally to retire to. I’ll by no means have any possession of this property, as it’s on tribal land. There isn’t a work close to there for me to make a residing if I did transfer once more. I do not know what he’ll do to earn a residing, both. 

Is it mistaken for me to count on him to pay hire and cut up utilities if I purchase a home and he lives there whereas he is working to construct a house elsewhere? His credit score is dangerous, and he’s very poor at managing his funds. He has bother developing along with his half of the hire. For the previous two years that’s all I get — no assist with groceries, utilities or cost for the cash I let him borrow. 

I’ve been ready to economize for a down cost for a home, although he makes far more cash than me and I mainly assist each of us. I believe he expects assist from me financially to construct his dream residence, however he cannot even assist himself. 


Expensive T.,

Wanting and anticipating aren’t the identical issues. It’s 100% cheap to need your boyfriend to pay payments for a home he lives in. Anticipating him to take action is a unique matter.

An individual’s previous habits is an effective predictor of their future habits. Use your boyfriend’s 12-year observe report as your crystal ball. Will he comply with pay for bills and really do it? Or will he deal with this dream residence that you just’ll by no means have a stake in because the love of his life — assuming he may even get financing to construct it — and brush off his obligations to you as an afterthought?

Your boyfriend may draw cheap conclusions based mostly in your 12 years collectively. He’s stiffed you on $8,000, plus many payments, whereas additionally relying on you to rescue him from dangerous decisions. He’s not mistaken if he expects that the implications for disappointing you’ll all the time be non-existent.

You’ve gotten just a few choices. You possibly can finances for 2 individuals in your earnings alone. That manner, no matter cash he does give you’ll really feel like a windfall. You possibly can additionally make your boyfriend. signal a lease spelling out his obligations. That’s usually a superb transfer for any couple shifting in collectively, since kicking somebody out who doesn’t have a lease can get difficult. However for the settlement to have enamel, you’d need to be prepared to take him to courtroom if he fails to pay, simply as you’ll an unusual tenant.

Or you would skip the lease and dump your boyfriend. He’d be free to construct his hunter’s paradise and transfer round as he pleases. And also you’d be free to construct the steady life for your self that you just crave.

You’ve been capable of accomplish loads throughout this relationship. You’ve superior in your profession. You’ve stayed on prime of payments and saved for a down cost. You’ve executed all that not because of your boyfriend, however despite him.

Whenever you’re chained to an anchor, merely treading water is a win. However think about how briskly you would swim if you happen to broke freed from that lifeless weight.

Must you determine to maintain this relationship alive, certainly not ought to your boyfriend’s contribution issue into your buy. Purchase a house you’re assured you possibly can afford with out him. That doesn’t let him off the hook for payments, after all. However the unlucky actuality is you can’t depend on him for something.

In the meantime, be clear on what he can count on from you when he builds his dream residence. And the reply right here ought to be nothing. This residence will solely profit him, quite than each of you in the long term. Deal with it the identical manner you’ll some other buy your boyfriend needed to make for a pastime.

After 12 years, this case isn’t going to alter. When you’re not OK with that, don’t waste extra of your cash — and extra importantly, your time.

Robin Hartill is an authorized monetary planner and a senior author at The Penny Hoarder. Ship your difficult cash inquiries to [email protected].

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